Muse, Thoughts & Reflections

Long Hiatus

2005-12-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

It's certainly been a long time. My last update was dated 25 Sept.

Whatever that was, well... 2005 is set to end with another 11 days or so.

Hope all is well with everyone. As for me, well.. it's been a quiet 14 days of home break, alternating between sleeping and watching tv programmes. IT's been shiok, I tell you.

Unfortunately all good things come to an end. Yes.. it ended this week for me. It's been a mad realisation of the amount of planning not done and work dumped on me. So yes.. I've been working since the start of the week.

Tomorrow marks another marathon meeting. My last management meeting lasted 3 days, with the last day starting from 830am to 8pm, only lunch and toilet breaks. We were told by boss not to even go for unscheduled toilet breaks as this would disrupt the flow of thoughts.

I guess my mind's all abt work now. So.. adios my silent friends. This has been a much neglected blog. I'm not too sure when I'll pen again or to end this blogging. We'll see.

Till then, take care :D

HO...HO...HO... Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Accelerated Learning

2005-09-25T09:44:00.000+08:00

Never thought I'd learn this much since I left Melb. But this wk has been a tad overwhelming for me.

Started with the conversation I had with my P. We managed to iron some stuffs out and yes.. if all things remain status quo, I wld be heading a dept next yr. Apart from the double YAY promotion that she has mentioned, I thought deeply abt the personal sacrifices I wld have to make to take up the job.

Fastforward:
1. Student A jumped from 2nd floor. All in the name of the damn game "Truth or Dare". So.. basically Student A jumped and fractured ankle. So... calmly took over the case from DM and organised all things and went along with kid to hospital. At least there were eye witnesses. So.. phew when we established that it was a game and not over depression or anxiety over exams.

2. Student B revealed that he/she had committed a criminal offence. That sent a flurry of work to be done. From counselling to seeing parent to finding out if the kid's rights will be protected.

3. Student C and D had a tiff. Student C took a sharp object in bid to protect him/her self. Another case of aggression.

Sorry for such skimpy details but all had to be kept annonoymous for the sake of these kids. And I've not even taken over the dept yet.

Am also very behind time with marking. And the BAD news is that exams are happening next wk!!! 320-Hist scripts, 150-EL Paper 1. I'd be laughing merrily to IMH. HAHAAHAAHHHAHAHAH

Till then... blessed wk ahead

1st Sept Gospel Reading

2005-09-01T15:47:00.000+08:00

How very apt.
Needed this to rejuvenate my mind.

Gospel
Lk 5:1-11

While the crowd was pressing in on Jesus and listening to the word of God,he was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret.He saw two boats there alongside the lake;the fishermen had disembarked and were washing their nets.Getting into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon,he asked him to put out a short distance from the shore.Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat.After he had finished speaking, he said to Simon,“Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.”Simon said in reply,“Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing,but at your command I will lower the nets.”When they had done this, they caught a great number of fishand their nets were tearing.They signaled to their partners in the other boatto come to help them. They came and filled both boatsso that the boats were in danger of sinking.When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said,“Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”For astonishment at the catch of fish they had made seized himand all those with him,and likewise James and John, the sons of Zebedee,who were partners of Simon.Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid;from now on you will be catching men.”When they brought their boats to the shore,they left everything and followed him.

Reflection:

Month of August

2005-08-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

It's already August. Was looking forward to the long National Day break and now it's already a week after National Day break.

Well... it's time to look forward to Sept Hols. *evil smirk*

Ok.. recap...

Month of Jul was filled with external duties, ranging from oral examiner duties to ferrying exam papers and election training. Well.. the good news is the Presidential Election is uncontested. So.. I keep my fingers crossing that PM doesnt suddenly announce GE during his speech.

Next.. an insight - How fast kids grow?
Met Sandra and family on Sat at GWC. Her son was elated to see me after a couple of weeks' absence. We had coffee at Spinelli's. Then her precocious 4 yr old son, Gabriel, asked me to pose for a hp shot. I refused him gently, citing the reason that I looked awful in photos and I only take photos for special occasions.

Guess his response - "Oh... man.... Come on...Let me take a photo of you.. -_-"'
My response - "Hey young man.. dont you go oh man and come on me.. you're still too young for that?!?!"

Then I burst out laughing. I cant believe my ears. He's only 4 yrs old and there he goes giving me all these Oh man and come on american slangs.
LOL... ok.. kids these days grow up super fast....

Have a blessed wk

Month of July

2005-07-09T22:07:00.000+08:00

Time whizzed.
It's already the 3rd wk of school.

Yawns... tonnes to blog but hitting a writer's block.

Till I come back again

Update -Operation Justice

2005-06-18T18:54:00.000+08:00

3rd wk drawing to an end.

Operation Justice was a success. With the exception that the poor maid was kept at the agent for abt 10 days.

According to the maid, she had been brought to many places to clean their houses and she was not paid. The calculation was strange coz she was there for 10 days but they had only charged her $70, instead of $100. That means they wld have pocketed the extra $ she was sent for cleaning.

Well.. I'm glad that all these came to an end. Except I'm abt $800 poorer coz the maid fees came up to $488 and plus all the miscellaneous.

But it has been quite an adventure.

Next wk's the last wk of hols for the students. For me, meetings start from tues through friday and school starts on the last wk of June.

Oh well...

Till the next time again...

Finally the long awaited break

2005-06-04T10:57:00.000+08:00

*Jumps around* End of 1 LONG, DRAINING semester

1st wk of Jun hols has ended. But our teaching had not. Infact we had another wk of structured program for the Sec 2s, 4s and 5s. So.. technically we're finally allowed to take a break as of yday.

I signed out of school at 11.30am. Right after I had 3 hrs of lessons with my 3 classes for the day. I was clearly losing my mind.

At the back of my mind I knew that I probably had to go back on Mon to clear my History files for checking. But I really dont care abt that anymore. I just needed to leave school at that time.

This wk had been extremely hectic coz days started from 7am to 5pm. My days were filled with lessons right up to 1230pm. Then I had to start almost immediately the Project Work presentations with my classes and orals for 4E/5N.

Well.. the good news is that break is finally beckoning.

Homefront:
It's drama-fest at home again. This time round it involves the domestic helper who used to take care of my grandma before she passed away.

For readers who had been following my extended family feud, it's culminated to this point where my low life ex-relatives are going to send the helper home over a trivial matter. The bigger issue here was that they used the helper as a means to vent their frustrations and to teach her "obedience". WTF!!!!!??!?!?!?!

The maid came to my place and told us that she wld be sent back today.

To keep the suspense and the secrecy of a current operation to save a domestic helper, I am writing to clear my thoughts.

1. Why do humans do such inhumane acts, just to gain control?? Are ppl aware that by sending the maids back to the agents means sending them back to the lion's mouth?? These agents are money grubbers.

2. Our society has become so dependent on foreign domestic helpers, yet we are NOT taking care of their welfare and benefits. Come on, they are not objects or possessions. They are fellow humans who are unfortunately born into a poorer country and thus they HAVE to leave their families in search of jobs to feed their clans and hordes of ppl back home. Why can't we be more rational and merciful??

3. MOM clarified and reiterated that we do not need to go thru' maid agency to get domestic helpers. I highlighted that they have charged EXORBITANT agency fees to "help" customers get maids. WHEN an online application of the domestic helper work permit is FREE!!!!!!!!!!

4. I have decided to act for justice and integrity. The helper will not become a victim of a family feud. With all these, I pray for God's guidance coz we have heard of stories where maids will be beaten by their agents so as to be $$ making machinese where they will "eat" $$ both ways. In that way, they will start their cycle of giving $$ back to the agency again.

5. So... I guess there is a reason for holidays. Coz I will be donning my capers, ready for Operation Justice.

Having said all these, pls pray for my grandma's helper and us (those who are in operation justice).

To be updated

Adios

Saturday - Hard work

2005-05-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

21 May - Sat marks my class 1st appearance at Children's Aid Society (Clementi) for their NYAA community service.

They've indicated their interest to work with children and thus we've decided to take this up as our project for the yr.

It's really hard work. Instead of doing fund raising which many of the classes are doing, my class is doing service learning. We're down at CAS, pulling weeds and interacting with the children.

Lesson 1:
Pulling weeds is really no joke. Hard work... i told my students, at least after this 6mths of community involvement, they've got one more thing to add in their CV - Gardener.

Lesson 2:
There are seriously some screwed up families in spore. CAS housed children who are from single parent families and /or parents who dont want their kids due to some reason or other.
The kids are so precocious. They really took on to some of us immediately. Amongst the many (abt 30) we saw, there was 1 particular boy, I shall name him B, stood out.

He was particularly angst. He is only 8 yrs old. Instead of weeding, he was throwing soil at us.
Instead of working with everyone, he was irritating everyone.

Later the matron told me that B was abandoned by his mom. His father passed away. B's case was quite clear cut. Except his mom suddenly reappeared again last wkend and promised to take him out of CAS.

He's been unsettled since last wkend.

Conclusion:
We've made the appt to be back there again in July. I reckon that's a good way to spend our Saturday morning.

I've also gotten to know my students better.

Insight:
One of my very quiet boys, Ismail, was such a different person in class. He is so quiet in class. But when he was there, he worked heartily with us in the garden. His smile radiated his face.

During interaction time, he was playing with B and a few others. They played carrom. I saw the other side of him. He took very good care of B and soon everyone was laughing and enjoying each other's company.

That morning, I re-connected with myself. .

It's been such a long time since I am so at ease with everything... the feeling of right time, right place and right company....

One thing for sure, God was with us too - during the laughter and hard work.

Update - Missing Person

2005-05-17T20:51:00.000+08:00

Nurain went back home the next day. She slept over in one of the classmates' home.

She reported back to school 2 days later.

But all is not well.

When she came back that day, I took her out to ask her what had happend.
Initially she was hiding facts and giving me selected truths. Till I found out the reason why she ran away from home.

Her family found out that she had underaged sex.

My mind went blank for a while.

I recollected myself and I asked if she was pregnant. She said the incident happened quite sometime ago. But she used the term 'rape'!

I had to report the matter to the office. I had to get Nurain to write an incident report.

My VP informed me that we had to make a police report after examinations (which was yday).

We did that yday.

I finally get to see her family.

I wonder how do dysfunctional families break their poverty cycle??

P.S: somebody sms-ed me today. sorry i didnt know who you were so i didnt reply.

To be updated......
Back to marking.....

Lag

2005-05-10T20:59:00.000+08:00

This is like calm before storm. I've just completed my English paper 1 markings and I'm on a 1 day break before the avalanche of history, lit and english papers start flooding my room again.

Needed to write to clear my brain. Here it goes:

Nurain is my student. She's one of my problem kids this yr. She's been skipping classes and playing truant. Just last wk, I hauled her in for threatening a Sec 1 girl. This case surfaced coz the sec 1 girl had self mutilated her hand. That caught her form teacher's attention and so... you get the story.

I confronted Nurain and she confessed that she did it to stand up for her other friends. Apparently they had been 'fighting' over guys. That was Friday.

Fast forward Monday. She was absent and according to the parent volunteer who calls absentees, Nurain was sick.

Come today (tues), Nurain was absent from school again. NOTE: WE are 2 days away from Mid-yr for normal tech kids. I rang her home, only to find her elder brother. He told me that Nurain had RAN AWAY from home.

My mind went blank for a while. Images of the case files from Missing Persons Bureau came into my mind. Yah.. maybe I'm alittle imaginative. BUT... he told me that she didnt have any $$ and she had packed her school uniform when she left her house.

I am still affected. I asked my principals for advice and they told me this is nothing new and that I will get used to these news after a while. Perhaps the girl will return after today.

In short, all we can do is to wait....

S'pore's weather has been ultra humid for the past few wks. But today it poured, literally poured heavily. I wonder where is Nurain??? I found myself praying that angels will find her and lead her to safety. Where can a girl go or leave without a trace????

Prayer is my only sanctuary now.

To be updated.....

Writer's block

2005-04-24T20:46:00.000+08:00

seem to have lost count of the days. am glad that term 2 is ending REAL soon.

had a long conversation with some of my colleagues on fri. they told me that they've hit the max of their teaching career at their age. and they're 35 (kevin), 28 (peck chi) and 40 latter half (mrs sia). these are my makan sutra club members LOL. in short, they're my support group at bukit view sec.
both the ladies shared that they've got no desire to take up leadership position. hence they're stagnant. whereas for kevin, he just doesnt want to turn out to be a "darth vader" - taken from star wars, my fav movie. so.. technically they cant promote anymore.
that really got me thinking that friday nite. what am i aiming for?? maybe i've yet to find that out yet.
they've got great insights abt me LMAO. mrs sia told me that i'm the 'chiong" type. the type that will get things done and am constantly stretched. other 2 pals warned me that my good nature has been exploited by the management.
i sat there, listened and wondered.
they were afraid that i wld get disillusioned with the politics. yet after each conversation, they were amazed at the detachment i had with the things i had worked my ass off. they drew this from the current discipline case which was dropped on my lap. they felt that i've got no support from the management and i've ended taking up the DM's job.

Case of the Week:
lady attendant came crying to the staffroom 2 fri afternoons. asking for help coz she was bullied by students - girls. claimed they smeared her clothes with human excretion - faeces. they had also threatened her, dirtied the toilets and "tortured" her by moving her clothes to the top floor coz they knew she has difficulty going up the stairs, arthritis.
basically, it was crap telling the principals abt it. the new principal seemed proactive abt nabbing the culprits. the others sat there and said that it is difficult to find these culprits.
i took this as a teaching point as i went into all the classes. sought for tips and lectured everyone on the need to be more compassionate to the elderly. it was touching to see that the students felt the injustice and i think awareness was created.
believe it or not, 4 girls came to confess on fri evening 5.50pm. i was there, chatting with kevin, peck chi and mrs sia. they confessed disturbing the aunty but not the smearing incident. they admitted that the pressure to come up to me was very great coz everyone in the school is talking abt it.

this is pretty much the kind of drama i have every other week in school. so.. as i'm typing i'm wondering how i shld handle this case so that the girls learn from their mistakes.
and in the midst of all these educating our younger generation, i wonder where am i heading.
oh.. another insight abt life that i am bursting to share. something tragic happened in this same week.

tragic story:
one of our sec 5 students met with a fatal accident. he didnt die immediately. he suffered serious brain damage - 95%. by the time (mon) peck chi (his form teacher) and kevin (maths teacher), got the wind of the news, the doc had opened his skull coz it was swelling real bad.
it was real sad coz it happened on sun afternoon. he was pronounced brain dead on wed. peck chi then shared that the boy's parents were completely shattered by the news. tehy didnt leave the hospital at all. at the 2nd visit, the father shared that tianming (the boy) was such a sensible boy, he (the dad) had never really bought tianming any stuffs and his 1st gift for his boy is a coffin for his own son.
that was real bad. we all went quiet, lost in our own thoughts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sorry for such a depressing story. but it serves to remind us CARPE DIEM!!
have a gd week!

Ranting abt marking and setting papers

2005-04-24T16:23:00.000+08:00

It's been a long month. was busy with all the setting of exam papers and markings.
ok... markings will never end PERIOD LMAO

but it really isnt funny when i spend my entire sundays, mugging to mark. it's crazy. i'm beginning to imagine that i'm this huge marking machine.

so...

come this long wkend, may 1st. try to imagine how i'm going to spend my wkend break.
MARK :S
pathetic isnt it..

BAH...

Holy Triduum

2005-03-26T21:28:00.000+08:00

It's been a month.

March hols came and went. Ended up being busier than usual. The irony of all was that my "break" came 1 wk after March hols.

So.. what have I been up to??

Busy day in and out. Am mighty behind time with marking and setting of tests.

Finally had my big break.

Month in summary. Received another round of bonus - performance bonus. Deduced thru' the amt of $$ that I received, I had a pretty good appraisal for 2004.

Had the icing on the cake. My new P played a prank on me on Maundy Thurs. Told me that MOE was going to take my PB back coz they felt that they've given me too much. The dense me looked so dejected and even asked when will they be taking back my $$. LMAO

Subsequently she told me that I've been promoted. I was still in the "MOE's taking my $$" mode. I asked "How much will they be getting from me to give me promotion?!?!"

She laughed and congratulated me. The promotion came free - er.. technically not true coz I worked my butt off in 2004.

So.... yes... Spent the Holy Triduum reflecting.

But yes... I'm thankful :D

Have a blessed wkend.

A Week At Its Worst

2005-02-27T20:43:00.000+08:00

Ever came home feeling that this is THE PITS and it's never ever going to get any worse...
When on a great TGIF (Friday), it went rock bottom!!
Sigh....

Monday:
Brought my class to ITE Bt Batok. Had a culture shock and had me thinking abt the state of technical education in Singapore. Students were rowdy and unruly and they smoked openly on campus. Sometimes I wonder if it's really generation gap or I get real bumped with the amoral behaviour.
While my students were having group work, from 9am-4pm, I was supposedly marking and surfing the internet.
Prior to ITE, a miscomm problem surfaced. It was subsequently settled. But at abt 1pm, the tr i/c of the ITE experience called and told me via HP that she didnt give certain instructions that resulted in the miscommunications. She didnt know where I get the idea or the instructions.

Sigh... That got me riled up at the lack of integrity.

Bad start to the week.

Tuesday:
Continued with the ITE experience. Only to come back to school and was hauled for police patrolling again.

Wed, Thurs:
Was so busy that I have no recollection of what had happened.

Friday:
One of the worst days at BVSS. Was caught right smack in the middle of perilous office politics. Between botak VP and school AM. Was extremely fed-up at the bureaucracy and still things were NOT done and not going anywhere. Choir uniforms were at stake. Looks like we're really not going to get the choir uniforms tailored in time for SYF.

Was then called into empress dowager's (new P) office and faced another barricade of bombardment, regarding the lack of transparency and accountability in tax payers' money. All these while, botak was busy covering his own ass.
I was surprisingly calm and still asked for advice, regarding how to solve the problem. i.e. how to get the choir uniforms out on time.

This entire office ordeal took me 3 hr. From preparing the paperwork, to the meetings plus bombardment.

By then, it was already 230pm. Missed my lunch appt with my makan sutra club members. I was fuming mad. News of spies crowding around MS club members were rife. One of our members had submitted her resignation. Now our club is once again tagged with negativity. That got me thinking if my association with these colleagues had any direct bearings with my episode with management just now.

Anyway...

Had one of the worst end of the week.

Sat:
I thought I cld seek refuge at home during Sat and Sun. Only to hear my mom bickering with her sister, aka my aunt. Sigh.. and now we're counting down to the days when the family feud will FINALLY end. At the moment, it doesnt look at we're seeing the last of all these crap yet from my mom's side of family.

Sun:
Finally went to "visit" my grandmother at Mandai Columbarium. I didnt manage to "visit" her the last time coz of the family feud that had been going around. (Yes.. it's that bad to the extent of ostracization).

Was there with my mom, sis and cousin. We hung around for abt 1 hr.

Was feeling kind of sad, it's a lingering sadness. So much had happened since her passing. There's a family drift and it is so bad that we didnt really go to our relatives' houses during CNY this yr.

When we let, the feeling was almost similar to that of when we left the nursing home prior to her death. I really wonder how she is up in Heaven.

Conclusion:
This morning, Fr. Leslie Raj mentioned abt the thirsting for God, the increased awareness of our dependence on God. Maybe I'm finally at the end of my tunnel. My current state of indifference that led me to be more aware of my dependence on God.

For all the stuffs that I'm doing in my ministry outside church, what wld I be without God?? An empty vessel...

Sigh...

P.S: I've just realised that I'm still discerning whether to transfer or not this yr?? Maybe this is the time to action... ARGH!!!!

Ok... to all my silent readers, have a blessed wk.

CNY -No Fun

2005-02-19T14:51:00.000+08:00

What's with CNY???

This yr marks the most boring yet most productive CNY ever.
Partly coz I've decided to be a social hermit. Decided not to go around the different relatives' residences and "entertain" everyone with the annual mindless banter, which seem to revolve around the same old, boring topics, "Where are you teaching now?", "How are your students?", "Any interesting stories to tell??"

Ok.. now I've been reduced to that of a storyteller. It dawned on me that I've been "entertaining" my students since term had started. Hence the resolution this year, being the year of emancipation for me, I will no longer go by people's whims and fancy.

Sad to say, since my declaration as a social hermit, my extra income for Feb (Hong Bao) has dwindled so much that I think it is really pointless for me to even salvage this source of income.

LOL
Thus, with all the time that I had, I began to catch up with my markings and lesson planning. So far, it has been good to see my students enjoying alittle more abt war history.

Life has been quite boring and mundane. Everything sort of just came and went.

Thought of the week. I've decided to post this particular poem which never fails to perk me up.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

Have a good weekend!

Month of Feb

2005-02-05T10:49:00.000+08:00

School's started for a mth.

Things are moving very fast. Sometimes the days just passed and the routine goes on by itself.

Insights:
1. Spent an afternoon with my class as they were rehearsing for their class cheer. (We'd be having a Class cheer competition on 8 Feb.)
I stood outside the classroom, peering in from the window. I'm trying to ween my class away from me. LOL I want them to be in charge of their cheer. From the planning, to directing to organizing the class... the students who are in charge (2 of them) have risen up to the occasion. At the end of every session, they complained of being tired and drained as the class was difficult to control. I smiled and gave them a pat on their shoulders. Then I couldnt resist and told them, HAHAHAHAHA now you know how I feel.

Sounds mean but I see that we've reached an understanding. Students mature and they come to a turning point. The class cheer is coming to shape. I can't help but to feel very proud of them. As I stood outside the window, I recalled how I dictated the class cheer last year (coz there were boys who insisted doing headstand *dont know what to call that) and some dangerous punk movements. Being an autocratic me, I cut all of that out.

The end result: A very unwilling class but politically correct cheer and of course very bland. LOL
This year, we've got drummers, class t-shirts and some funky sleek movements.

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHA All these done with minimal help from me. Maybe they have really come around. Now they laughed at me when I tried to join them in the cheer as I just cant chant with the same gusto.

That's when the bolt of insight hit me. This is what education is about - walking thru' with them and being there for them. It took them abt 1 yr. But hey... at least I get to see their metamorphesis before they get to another level.

Maybe my kids in school have really grown up.

2. I need to learn to rally a bunch of demoralised teachers soon and fast. Discipline in school is fast sliding. Maybe I'm also getting paranoid. But we're all getting very tired of seeing the same bunch of students about 5% of student body, trying and testing the school discipline.

I dont really know where we're all heading. But my observation tells me that the DM is not trying to salvage the situation. My take on this is to overhaul the referral system and install proper procedures so that students are aware of the different levels of referral if they erred.

At this moment, perhaps I dont even rule out possibilities of visits to the drug rehabs , prisons or exhibitions to the dangers of smoking.

Despite of all these, I also need to remind myself of the bigger picture.

Take care everyone,
Happy Lunar New Year!

Avalanche of Feelings

2005-01-12T21:23:00.000+08:00

New academic year has started for one and half weeks.

Have been carrying quite a fair bit on my shoulders. New responsibilities for 2005 includes patrolling around neighbourhood. Since then, life has been pretty "fun". Playing hide and seek with the errant students, playing hide and seek, plus wild goose chase....

This is the taste of neighbourhood schools, I guess.

Been handling pretty sad cases as well. But I think I've mellowed, tho' I hope not jaded.
Sigh...
Sometimes I do wonder what's the bigger picture that God has for these kids.

Colleagues are wondering why I'm overloaded. Today, they came to a conclusion. I am being tested for greater things. I'm supposed to be happy that management's overloading me.

I'm not even thinking abt feelings. I am just living from day to day.

As you can all read, my thoughts are in pieces. So.. till I can figure out all these.

Take care,
Have a great week :D

Goodbye 2004, Hello 2005

2004-12-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

World Events:
Heart goes out to the victims of Asian Tsunamis, dated 26 Dec 2004.

Personal:
Avalanche of meetings.
New responsibilities and plenty of work to be done in 2005.
Pensive mood for 2004 but looking forward to 2005.

Whatever it is, to all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Till then, hope that your 2004 has been a great year!

Never ending

2004-12-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

Really thought I'd chill out at home yday and today. Only to find that I was whisked away for retail therapy by my mom and helper (coz Robinsons' got some sale going on).

Today I received an unexpected sms. It was from a colleague informing me that her dad passed away this morning. That set another flurry of sms-es to the rest of the group (Makansutra CLub-BVSS) and we arranged to go for the wake either tonite or tomorrow evening.

I'm into the 2nd week of my break. A close friend (one of the youth whom I had journeyed with closely) told me that I'm beginning to be too hyper for my own good. It's either I'm high on something which she doesnt know what or ... the holidays are boring me to death.

LOL... I think both suppositions are probably true.

So.. the pending question is... What is wrong with me??? I think I will die of exhaustion coz I simply dont know how to chill.

Or worse... I dont even know how to chill anymore. HAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHAH

My sister's finished her stage managing job for Chestnuts. She finally noticed that I'm on holidays and I'm stuck on my notebook till wee hours in the morning and early morning till afternoon. She's thoroughly disgusted with my no-life.
HAHAHAHAAH She asked what exactly did I do in Melbourne??? HAHAHAHAAHHAHA

And I told dom... no body will ever understand what the hell I do in Melbourne. That was pretty much my life when I was free :D Something more.. but I just dont know how to share that part with her.

So... right now.. my frame of mind. 1 year since I came back and I think my colleague's dad's passing coincided with my grandma's timing last yr. So... I think I will be rather affected when I go for the wake.

Life is best relished with a pinch of salt.

Ok.. till I blog again.
Patz

Sitting At Home

2004-11-27T09:48:00.000+08:00

It's really strange to sit at home, finding things to do.

Let me do a quick check of what I did. Went to Sitex and bought an external HDD. Did what I've been wanting to do for eons. So.. now I'm hoping to get down to buy SIMS2. Talk abt being pathetic.

So.. this wk of rest is supposed to be of quiet reflection and solitude. But I ended up meeting many friends who have not seen or heard from me ever since Semester 2 started.

The feeling was good. I miss all my friends. That aside, I got wind from my colleagues as well that next yr might well be another SHITT-IER period for me. So.. I might as well just play hard.
I am so not looking forward to 2005.

Met Violet and Christine online. It's been a long time. But had a great conversation with them tho' I had wished that we cld talk longer. Knew Violet since TI days and it's great to know that we cld always still pick up from where we left. As for Christine... HAHAHAHAAHHA she'll always be the God-sent friend and I'm sure this friendship is especially blessed.

Another highlight of the week was the lending of my shoulders to 2 of my church mates, Maria and Dom. Both have lost their loved ones (as in no more in relationships). Sigh... So we talked at length abt unconditional love and committment in relationships and expectations.

I concur that dignity and self worth far exceed what your limited other halves give of themselves. It's crazy to stand from outside the circle to see how much one loses her/himself in relationships. But I guess that's the point... love is a committment to yourself, your partner and to growth. May I emphasize again... GROWTH.

To both of my very dear Maria and Dom,
We've been all very privileged and blessed to be part of each other's journey of search for dignity and worth as a person. PLEASE do not allow others to take that away, or worse rip you apart. For the love which God has given so freely... accepts us and the love sets us free.

HAHAHAHAAHAAHA at this juncture.. I feel alive once more, doing the stuffs when we were still a youth group. ARGH... that was many eons ago... HELP...

Sigh.... ok... for all... have a great break.. the crazy exams will or are over.

LIVE AND LET LIVE!!!!!!

Peace and I'm outta here :)

CRANKED UP BY BOREDOM
PATZ

Post Farenheit 9/11

2004-11-15T14:21:00.000+08:00

1. Why did Bush win even after Michael Moore made such a powerful documentary???

2. Why didnt the Americans get together to do something at home??

For the entire 2 hrs, I witnessed and experienced gore, sadness, violence, apathy, lies and bewilderment.

To a large extent, I honestly feel that the documentary reflects Moore's personal opinion. There is a certain amount of truth and the aftermath of Farenheit 9/11 certainly push Bush to black & white world. I always believe USA to be a land of freedom.. now I ask.. is it one??

I never like war. Having read many of the war poems and war history, I reckon it's easy to sit behind the backscene and manipulate soldiers like puppets. After all there's really alot of $$ to be earned from war. (Read WWI & II)

After watching Farenheit 9/11, I feel even sadder for soldiers. It brought back the familar disgust and revile in me, and I remembered why I quit NCC during sec school days.

No more war please and no more CNN... We got to look into ways to cut down on fuel consumption. We ought to change the saying, $$ is the root of all evil. I beg to differ now, Oil is the bane of all evil. ALL OIL COVETS BURN IN HELL!!!!!!

When will leaders of the world realise that war affects civilians more than spheres of influence??

Having said all these, I kick myself for berating my cousin (WZ who will probably never get a chance to read my blog) for joining the anti US-Iraq war. I shld have joined in the war protest the last time I was in Melbourne.

Sigh....

Politics is a dirty word.
Now I see all political leaders in a different light. There is a legal way of laundering all dirty $$, esp so if you're a powerful and affluent political leader.

Double sigh....

When will Utopia exist??

Perhaps only in Heaven...

Till I blog again....

Deepavali & Hari Raya Long Break

2004-11-12T09:56:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since I'm back home for good.

My god, believe it or not, I dont really know what to do when I have 5 off days. 5 days inclding Sat and Sun. Today's no paper day coz it's scheduled French for the exam but my school doesnt offer French and therefore the additional holiday.

Am thinking of what I shld do today. Besides adding a site meter and a tagboard on my blog... and another new post update. I think I will head down to Suntec later to view the Car Motor Exhibition.

I've been sleeping my head off yesterday (Deepavali break) and I dont suppose I'll repeat the feat today.

*Yawns* Its strange how one can be so extremely busy for the whole of 10mths and now lapse to doing nothing at all for this next 4 days. I'm just not used to it. Have to learn to slow things down.

Even for my updates these past few days have been extremely mundane. Sigh....

Ok.. for all taking exams.. ALL THE BEST!!! STUDY HARD!!!

God Bless & till I blog again

Record for me - 2 updates in 2 days

2004-11-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

Been reading that friends are celebrating their year old blogs.

Well.. for me, I guess I'm just glad that I stuck it out with blogging.

Did my part as a friend and drove the family in my car to the cremation grounds. My friend's alright, except the part when the coffin was pushed into the furnace. there her mom broke down.

Thereafter we proceeded to a Buddist temple and the monk chanted for her dad. Only her brother and her were in the car. Feels kind of strange. We made light of the journey, commenting on other lousy drivers, except for that my friend was carrying her dad's picture and her brother an incense and incense holder.

reflections:
life is short. sigh... so very cliche (cant get the wiggly thingy above e).
human emotions usually take a longer time to absorb the shock and sadness.
i think it will take my friend (ivy) some time before the grief sets in.
her mom, brother and her thanked me profusely. something which i find extremely strange, as i have no idea that many ppl wld probably not have offered coz they believe in chinese superstitions.

sigh... i'm glad i stuck it out coz i saw that it made a difference.

ok... everyone.. time for Zz..zZz..z another week of "O"s. But it will be a short wk coz of Deepavali & Hari Raya Puasa hols.

cheers

Boring Saturday

2004-11-06T22:34:00.000+08:00

This must have been the very first Saturday for this term when im so super free, no papers to mark, no lessons to plan, nothing to do...

As the day passes, I get more and more bored with myself. AMAZING....

Well.. not exactly a day of nothing. Went for my ex-colleague's dad's wake in the late afternoon.
Feels a little zapped out from doing nothing...

Hits home that I am busy coz I cant bear the thought of idling. This is what the hectic pace in Singapore has done to worker ants like me.

*Yawnz...
Have offered my "limousine" services for my ex-colleague's dad's funeral tomorrow. My mom suddenly charges at me with this superstitious crap. Thus resulting in me thinking abt helping others unconditionally.

Sigh.. current state of mind.. a little pensive and indecisive. Not exactly very close to this friend but she needs help and support. Tho' seriously, I dont really know what I'm getting myself into. But I think she needs help thus I offer.

Ok.. time to Z.z.Zz.z am starting to be incoherent. Have been extremely unproductive today. guess it's official.. holidays are HERE!!!!!!

till i blog again,
Patz

Month of Nov

2004-11-03T14:30:00.000+08:00

2 days into the role of presiding examiner, it sure feels weird.
the feeling of being in charge of 200 over students, plus the responsibilities of overseeing the entire exams frighten me a whole deal.

it comes with the thought that i am one who is fearful of responsibilities.

and the irony of the responsibilities issue is that i'm laden with them.

sigh....

just came back from my 2nd aunt's place. the extended family quarrel had just taken a turn for the worse.

if i cld turn back the clock, i wld have ripped my entire kitchen cabinets apart.

for those who are wondering what IS with the kitchen cabinets... it's my youngest aunt's company who fixed it. and it's creating a hell lot of ruckus homefront.

at this juncture, i stand skeptical and horrified at the metamorphosis of my youngest aunt. the lies that she fed my extended family. sigh....
what people do for $$ and the thrill that i'm getting is.....

i managed to make her that upset and spiteful.

i really do think that I HAVE ARRIVED...

but it doesnt take away the hurt and disapptment i have of my extended family. i am truly tired and headaches dont end at home, workfront is getting more pressurizing.

i'm stuck between my HOD and the CPE (chief presiding examiner). HOD feels CPE is way too harsh. HOD also doesnt quite trust me coz i'm new to the school. she is SUPER protective of school reputation and students.
that piss me off big time as well.

sigh... it saddens me when i realise how little the people around me know me. that puts me more on withdrawal coz i dont want or wish to explain.

i wish i can cry out loud to her that i know what i'm doing and i will stand in favour of the students. I will speak to CPE if i feel that he is too harsh.

ARGH....

i think i'm also stressed up with "O" levels. you can barely visualise my sigh of relief when i saw the Social Studies paper today.. coz the 5N students were banking on Switzerland and it came out as one of the essay questions. I walked around the hall, smiling broadly at every student. They really looked immensely relieved.

sigh....
till i blog again

End of Mad Marking Craze

2004-10-24T12:00:00.000+08:00

am glad that it's end of a week.

spent last wkend, frentically marking... literally non-stop from fri nite to sun nite... coz there were 5 classes of Lit and 2 classes of English. and the checking of scripts were due on Mon.

so.. officially we're into our last week of school (for Sec sch and JCs) and "O" levels will start on 1Nov.

I've been appted as a PResiding Examiner, spent my Sat morning, tallying the no. of answer scripts. got to check in case there's not enough writing papers and stuffs.

feeling the restlessness in me again.. not too sure why... probably it's time for me to take a break and find out where's God leading next.

will discuss more abt it after I spend more time with myself.

in the meantime, take care FOLKS!!

Another Week

2004-10-16T14:40:00.000+08:00

We're running to the last 2 weeks before Term 4 ends.

Was sent to invigilate Art Paper for the Sec 2s today. My godness, things have certainly changed.

1st of all, the invigilation was ONE AND A HALF hours. due to lack of sleep (coz of late nights marking), the prospect of staying in ONE particular class in this kind of humid and hot weather is certainly tiring enough.

2ndly, the demands of Art exam has changed so much. I remembered vaguely when I was in Sec 2, my art teacher made us do still life and design. but now the students have themes to tackle. my art teacher gave up on me and drew the still life painting for me. the only task i have to do was to shade using my pencil.

today the students have to prepare 3 preparatory pieces and use a compulsory medium, which is oil pastel.

as i sat down, i cld feel my eyes drooping and i knew that it wld be a matter of time before i fall asleep. so i walked around and gave funny looks to the students. some i raised my eyebrows while some i smiled. finally after 15 mins, i leaned against the door and stared at the students. but trust me, it's only a facade.

I was praying for time to fly. LOL

insights for the day:
i think there's hope for singapore education system. students are thinking differently. through today's art exams, i think there's a lot of potential within Singapore. but... can we sustain these students' learning interest???

i still feel that we're over-pressurizing our students. the very fact that we have 5 cheating cases within a span of 3 days. that speaks alot.

i think stress and pressure have a cuscading effect. from the top (pressure to do well, from school ranking, to principals, to teachers, to students, to parents, to workplace... ) and the bucket doesnt seem to end.

during the staring into space, i realised that the academic year is coming to an end real soon. next wk will be another flurry of activities where we will rush to key in the students' results after they checked their papers. we will rush to print out their result slips. while i will have to multi-task and still attend the presiding examiner meeting (for "O" levels), and still type in my form class' remarks.

the list is never ending....

before i know it, we will end the entire school year and prepare for 2005.

what wld i have done had i stayed in Melb for another yr???

LOL...

i stopped at this point and the bell rang.... FINALLY... it's 12.05pm. it's the time for another teacher to be in the class for the invigilation.

GREAT....

but that also means... the end of my reflection.

ok.... for all the students out there, it's mugging time :D

STUDY HARD!!!

LIVE IT UP!!!

2004-10-09T08:52:00.000+08:00

believe it or not, i've lost my earlier opening entry at blogspot.

these days i no longer remember much of these details.

FINALLY the revision week is OVER!!!!!

mon will be the last day of revision for my hist and lit classes. tues will be my last revision day with my normal techies... and then exams start full swing!!!

i'm still behind my marking. this no longer has any more impact on me. i'm just very tired.

i'm just glad that we're finally done with shifting and this will allow me more time to rest at home.

had the biggest family drama during the wk. just to cut the long story short, my youngest aunt is super pissed with me. not that i care two hoots abt it, (it's a long long story and it's all because of home kitchen and some maid issue).

aftermath of the long drawn dispute, i will continue to fight for what i believe and i SERIOUSLY hate those who keep harping abt the word of god and claim to be godly. and back stabs another when opportunity avails itself to draw blood.

much too vague.. but no wish to go into details coz it's not worth mentioning abt it anymore.

alright.. to all my silent readers out there....
do spend time to enjoy the sights around...

have a great wkend :D